書名：共渡此生
作者： 陳志常
雅詩的讀後感
「執子之手、與子偕老」。這兩句說話，包含結婚之最高境界。亦是夫婦希望能達到之最高境界。我和丈夫結婚三十八年，大家都是一個獨當一面的人。我性格外向，他屬內向型。我喜歡交朋友，他卻選擇沉默寡言。在相處之中，有不少不合拍的情況出現。在感情低迷時，我一直靠祈禱維繫。在耶路撒冷朝聖之旅，夫婦有機會在加納教堂內重發婚姻盟誓。丈夫認為這是形式上的「子戲」，反對再發婚姻重誓。我當時按住怒火，祈求聖神帶領，幫助丈夫悟出重誓的意思。也助我完成發重誓之心願。他突然問我是否已答應大隊參加重誓，我說「是」後，他也跟大隊一起作重誓。
丈夫對一些事情看法及在信仰上的演繹跟我有頗大的分歧。有時會令我失望。我也習以為常，接受這個十字架。眼見一些夫妻融融細語，但我倆總是無言以對有時因「道不同」互相冷戰。幸好我懂得和他妥協。並會意識到主常在我心間，祈禱及與姐姐傾訴是我心靈健康之依賴。我也曾試過找致電到天主教專業機構傾訴, 但該機構也幫不到我。
聖神是我一個重要之靠山。祂透過 Sr. Grace 邀請，使我參加該會百周年慶典。也參加讀書節。當我在書店見到「共渡此生」一書時，如穫甘露。就讓聖神帶動我和有類似經歴的夫妻，透過閱讀書中的文章，使我學會反省，悟出夫妻相處之道。
讀序一時，東瑞歸納了夫妻白頭到老的三個重：
1. 真誠性： 婚姻能維持到白頭到老，其間充滿忍讓、奉獻、犧牲。並無捷徑可走或秘訣可學。(1) 我開始反省。馬上見到丈夫為我們洗衣、曬衣服的情景。無論他怎樣疲倦，先小睡，讓衣服清洗完畢，他便會晾衣服。初時我會協助他，後來因為我會難以入睡，便由他一人負責。他從來不會埋怨半句。我清清楚楚的看見他默默的奉獻和犧牲。
2. 反省： 婚姻要完美、理想化，要害在各自修煉，不斷自省。事無大小，作者都考慮到另一半的情緒、反應、感受……我非常同意。
3. 作者在書中提到許多精闢的見解與警言雋語，值得我們參考。如「夫婦的婚姻破裂，其危害性恰如骨牌效應，影響到下一代子女、教育、治安……這構成社會小家庭一旦出事，就猶如蟲蛀長城，洪水決堤」！
(1) 我們任性前, 真的要三思。
從「長城」文章中，筆者深感「急劇社會變遷，時代快速推移，為家庭帶來了很大壓力」(2) 我十分同意。男女平等，大大提高女性在經濟上及事業上。妻子與丈夫同樣忙碌，或有過之而及時，家務應否共同分擔，教育子女責任，夫婦更應有商有量地，灌輸正面樂觀的「做人道理」(3) 予下一代。
在「盟誓」一文中，我開始咀嚼「許諾與承 擔」這五個字之嚴重性 。我們要另一半津守許下的諾言與承擔責任時，我們可有給予同行者足夠力量去衝破一切困難？我們在埋怨另一半前，應作好反思才去批評。
煩忙的生活，使人感到身心疲累。若回家後未能與另一半協調和諧地相處，會使婚姻觸潮。「趣味婚姻」教你「以輕鬆喜樂的心態，選擇從正面角度去欣賞和享受發生在生活上的每一件事情。」(4) 陳志常先生，我要給你一個讚！
早餐對每個人很重要。原來有一個「全職主婦」，在每天開始時為丈夫送上温馨早餐，可使他「有足夠的動力去抗拒外面七彩繽紛的引誘」(5)。對某些男士而言，縱使妻子上班，未能準備早餐。若他能在「早上有一個獨處吃早餐看報紙的時刻，是他面對工作壓力而不會容易頹喪的主要原因」。醒目的人妻，應該明白人夫要每早鬆一鬆之道理。亦有愛妻號男士，希望在清晨與妻子共進早餐，表達愛意。(6) 各位聰明的婦人，妳愛人又屬那一個型號呢？
讀婚姻三願：「要服從伴侶，由尊重開始；要守貞潔，不可對伴侶不忠；要遵守神貪的意念，不可獨佔財富，最好全數交妻子管理，全數為家庭付出。」(7) 我舉腳讚成！若每對夫婦都能夠將「視線焦點由支配著生活起居所必須的金錢，移向精神境界的靈性領域」(8)。即使遇到生意失敗或面對生任何活壓力，夫婦便 能互相支持，共同面對。
這本書的每一篇文章，都很有意思。信不信由你，當你讀完一篇，便忍不住繼續讀下去，直到看完為止。在我收筆之前，希望能再分享一篇讀後感。
陳志常先生道出與妻子保持親密關係之良方妙藥就是：「放下自己，將焦點放在兩人關係上；學習凡事都在理性分析時加上注意個人感受。如其妻子在家抱怨找不到針時，你當然知道是與她經常改變物件放置的位置有關，但先要表示感受到她找不到物件的苦惱，並與她一同苦惱。」「在感受世界中，不須搜集資料、毋須分析去解決問題，只要走上感受的通道上，與另一半相遇，享受共融之親密關係。」我相信這是最美之夫妻親密關係!
讓天下夫妻都能嚴於責己、將自己的腳去試穿對方之鞋, 齊齊感受另一半之苦與樂。祝大家白頭到老、永結同心！歴久常新、愉快地共渡一生！
主佑！
Source:(1) 共渡此生 pg. 8(2) 共渡此生 pg. 13(3) 共渡此生 pg. 14(4) 共渡此生 pg.17(5) 共渡此生 pg. 19(6) 共渡此生 pg. 18(7) 共渡此生 pg. 22 (8) 共渡此生 pg. 23
Title of Book: Living this Life Together
Author: Chi Sheung
Reflection written by Tsz Nga
“Hold hands and grow old together.” This is highest level in marriage, and is the highest level couples want to achieve. Husband and I have been married for 38 years, both of us are very independent. I am out-
My husband’s point of view about certain things and religion, are totally different from me. Sometimes I am disappointed, and is used to accept the Cross. Couples around us living in harmony, but we do not have much to say, sometimes even “at war”. Fortunately, I can make compromise for him, realizing God always in my heart, praying and talking to my sister are my ways to keep me spiritually healthy. I have asked help from Catholic professional institutions, but not much use to me.
The Holy Spirit is my important backup. Through Sr. Grace’s invitation, it leads me to the Daughters of St. Paul’s Centenary Celebrations and participates in the Reading Festival. When I saw the book共渡此生(Living This Life Together), it was like finding a treasure to me. After reading this book, may the Holy Spirit helps me and other couples with similar experience to reflect, what is the best way to get along with our husbands and wives.
In the preface, talking about how to “grow old together”, the three most important things are:
1. Sincerity: To have a successful marriage, there must be tolerance and sacrifice, no short cuts or tips(1). I start to reflect, immediately see my husband doing the laundary. No matter how tired he is,he will take a nap, wait for the laundry to finsh and hang the clothes. I help at first, but since I cannot sleep well aferwards, I let him do it himself. He haven't complained. He sacrificed in silence.
2. Reflection: Want a prefect marriage, reflect oneself all the time is essential. Always consider your other half's emotion, response and feeling, no matter it is concerning great things or not. I really agree with this.
3. The author has many insightful opinions worth taking, like “'The damages caused by marriage break up will have domino effect, affecting next generation, education, public order... Problems happening in a single family to a society, is just like pests eat up the Great Wall, flood causing dams burst!(1) .” Before we being willfulness, we should think twice.
In the article <長城> “Great Wall”, the author really feels that “the society changes rapidly, times moves fast, brings great pressure to families” (2). I totally agree with that. Sexual equality helps women achieve much more economically and in their career. Wives are as busy as their husbands, or even busier. Couples should decide whether they can share the responsibility of doing housework, educate the children, and should work together to teach the next generation how to live a positive life(3).
In the article <;盟誓> “Oath”, I started to learn the importance of “commitment and bearing the responsibility”. When we ask our second halves to commit themselves and bear the responsibility, have we stood by them, given them power to overcome all difficulties? Before complaining, we should first look at ourselves.
Busy lives is exhausting, if we cannot live happily with our second halves at home, marriage will finally break up. The article “Funny Things in Marriage” teach you how to “use a joyful attitude to choose a positive way enjoying what is happening around you”(4). Mr Chan Chi Sheung, I give youa “like”!
Breakfast is very important to everyone. There is a “full-
I read the three vows of marriage, ”Be obedience to your partner starts from respect. Should not commit adultery, do not cheat your partner. Keep poverty, one should not keep all the money for their own use, it’s better to give it all to your wife, and use for the family.” (7) I totally agree that it! It all couples can change their focus from the money you need for a living to the spiritual side, even if their business fail or facing great pressure, they can support each other and face together.
All articles in the book are very meaningful. Believe it or not, after you read an article, you can't help oneself to continue to read the next one, until you finish the whole book. Before I finish writing this, I want to share a bit more about this book.
Mr Chan Chi Sheung said that the best way to keep close with your wife is to “do not only look at yourself, put your focus on the relationship between you two. Learn to care for other people’s feeling when you are having any rational analysis. When your wife is complaining she cannot find the needle, you know that she put things everywhere, but just show her you can feel the frustration too.””In the emotional world, no room for research and analytical problem-
May all couples be tough to oneself and try to walk in the other half's shoes, feels what your other half's feels. Wish all couples can live happily together!
God Bless!